LezWife

A lot of thing’s have been going on recently that have prevented me posting. Some physical i.e. my wife rarely lets me get on the damn computer. Then there is the emotional side, a lot of stress has been floating around recently and i just couldn’t bring myself to write about it. I did however write this the other night whilst completely unable to send myself off to sleep.

I feel like my body is going to implode. The emotional weight on my shoulders is making my back scream in physical agony. I tried talking to Kirsty tonight, or rather she asked me to tell her what was making me so stressed and downright depressed. Finally after a thousand and one quick fix’s, i half managed to poorly divulge the root of it all. The mother of my current evils. Career. Such a small word for something that has the ability to make us feel superior, or even inferior in an instant. Since Kirsty can no longer work behind a bar due to the immense amount of pain she gets in her ankles, my career seems to have vanished. No longer does pub work have a purpose (other than to pay the bills). In fact the past god-only knows how many years and hours of effort, all the questions and exams, seem, well to put it bluntly- pointless. We can’t have the bar/club infusion that i dreamt of. The one i secretly designed years ago. I have thought of every possible way that it could stil happen but i keep arriving at a solid brick wall. I feel a failure.

Kirsty of course doesnt know all this as she got angry with me as i was abouts to say. She turned over and said there was no point in talking to me. If my wife wont even listen to me when i am clearly beyond breaking point, then what is the point in telling the world i thought.

This little rant now seems a little childish now, as my father in-law was diagnosed the day after i wrote this with kidney cancer.  So i will just shut up and deal with it, there are far more important things to be paying attention to.