LezWife

We have moved. Yep i know your all groaning “not again!” We just had to. Environmental health told us it was uninhabitable and our boiler got condemned so what can you do!

Now where have you moved to i hear you ask in unison. Guess what! We are back with our old flat mate! Kirsty’s mum’s is too small. Her sister has another on the way and pretty much every other avenue we could have gone down had a dead end. So were back- temporarily.

Speaking of going back, I have also had to go on hands and knees back to my old boss. Yes the homophobic one. Yes the one i vowed never to go back to. Yes the one who nearly ruined my wedding day. We need the money and i am fed up of not working and getting nowhere job hunting! Damn government!

I am not going to apologise again for my lack of posts. Our old/new flatmate decided to let me know he was reading them and kept mentioning things. I am not comftable with this. His knowing everything that goes on in my little head. Or rather i would prefer to be kept in the dark. You would never believe me, but i am infact a very private person who absolutely despises talking about my feelings!

Anyway, i am back with a vengeance. Entrecard here i come (as i can now see the little widgets!)

Would you like a preview of tomorrows post? I bet you would! Well lets just say it is one of my better ones with some of that recognisable Tam-esque!

Yesterday i should have been at an interview. A really good interview. A job.. no scrap that a career that wasnt in the hospitality sector. A career that could easily pay the bills with a whole lot left over. A career i would enjoy. And finally a career that i had in the bag if i went to London yesterday.

If only my part-time job had paid me. If only head office had not messed up- twice!

No money equals no clothes to wear - remember, they all got ruined in the flood.

No money equals no train ticket.

No train ticket and no clothes = no London.

No London = no interview.

As you can tell i am a little annoyed. This is the second time i have had to reschedule.

I feel like i am begining to sound like a broken record.

This mantra going round and round in my head just wont shut up.

This desire i just can’t supress, no matter how hard i try.

The longing that physically hurts.

Every single day a piece of my heart disintregates. The wanting causes this. Followed by a new piece growing from hope alone.

If i tried to picture it, i imagine my heart is not what it is meant to look like. A deformed, mis-shapen heap pumping away.

When i was a kid, i used to love playing with lego. Dad nearly falling down the stairs after standing on a piece every morning eventually got them taken away from me. Bigger chunkier blocks quickly replaced them.

But back to the lego. I would start to build something simple, a house usually with a garage for all the fantastic cars i was going to have. (yes i know, born-a-dyke). I would stand back to admire my hard work and then move a piece to a better place. This whole process would repeat itself until my attention span - or lack of, would get the better of me.

This little building so unlike what it started from. Odd angles, Rises in places that really shouldnt have them. The garage would end up with an upside down ramp. You get the gist.

That is what i imagine my heart to look like now. Very different from what it started life as.

I want, I need, I hope.

Whoever would have thought it! Maybe those regulars i used to serve at the clarry were right, I would want kids someday.

The wife x

As you can see, I have just spent far too long overhauling my blog to make it have that little touch of me. What do you reckon boys and girls?

I have had enough of all the drama we have been having. I have had enough of being negative. I have had enough of being in pain. I have had enough of the fights.

Thats it! I’m done. No more!

Our valentines went ok… kind of. No money, no sleep and lots of pain does not bode well for love.

I do have some news! We may have a found a new donor so fingers crossed. I can’t wait till we get back to trying. I am hating that we have had to put the baby on the back burner. I can’t wait for us to have our family. Nothing would make me happier.

The optimistic wife x

Another valentines is nearly upon us, and i do feel sorry for all those who don’t have anybody to share this very special of (corporate made) days. Couple’s walking hand in hand, grinning from ear to ear with a card in their bag or a rose in their hand. The smell of chocolate could easily take easters throne atop the sweet tooth kingdom. You cant escape from it. For the past few months singletons everywhere have had to face the dreaded banners and heart-shaped balloons.

I for one, hate it all. Firstly i cant eat chocolate, lactose intolerant you see - although saying that, Asda do have a selection box in the tiny section of allergy related foods :-D. Flowers are not my thing, I’m not exactly the girly girl and they just seem to die on me. I refuse to pay money for a piece of card with hearts on it that nobody keeps. I dont even buy birthday cards for christs sakes!

Secondly, why do we need a day to show our better halves how we feel. I tell my wife everyday i love her. I show her at every opportunity. We dont need a dedicated day!

The wife x